Here's to all the mamas out there doing their very best--looking at ways in which we can be accountable to things we need to do differently and diving inside to recognize the unconscious ways we may be perpetuating some unhealthy patterns!
I want to recognize that we have been fed the false illusion that our mothers are supposed to show up for us in some way; would be nice .....I love that story too......but that is not the reality for the majority of us---- and when we are willing to really see through that false illusion we free ourselves and ultimately provide space for change in our relationships.
The fallacy of 'what a mother should be' continues to perpetuate the illusion and suffering by constantly circling around the idea that somehow we didn't get what we 'deserved' .....and the years go on and on .... different year same belief ...something should have been different...it's not........but here is the full stop..... it wasn't.
So yes do the work, uncover the hurt and pain.....get a fabulous therapist (thank you Sunny Shulkin).......cry, yell, argue, confront.....but don't stop there.....to stop there is not how we deeply heal.
This is not meant to excuse anything or allow for poor behavior, we must have boundaries or even cutting off relationship when necessary .. ..but the reality is that we are bombarded by a false representation of what is true. In fact it seems like it's a set up for a 100 percent perceived failure for the mother/child relationship.
(Remember life is a paradox--all things point to that non duality yet we continue to argue to our wits end about it. I wonder, could there be anything more painful and perpetuate more suffering than continuing to not see things for what they truly are...but I will save this for another time).
Just like the illusion that life should be 'happy' ....there is pain and joy, sweet and sour moments, good/bad, expectations met and not met......... this is reality....
It can be really painful ---(trust me I have been there)----but.... maybe its an AND...and not an or
It take a great deal of courage to turn within and confront that
many of the ideas of mothering and mothers are rooted in an illusion; (fictionalized expectations and many of these are standards perpetuated by a misogynistic system).
There is a plethora of material bashing mothers....more than enough ..... I am here to honor those willing to tear down the illusion and do the work to see their mothers in a place of Reality and Truth.
I want to honor the wounded-ness while holding the reality of how things Actually are. I want to erase the lies that keep me beholden to an illusion that keeps me trapped in victimhood. I have seen how this allows for greater ease in parsing through the pain/grief; it ever so slightly tilts how I have seen my own mother and my own mothering. There is ease in Truth ... something we will never get from basing reality on a 'story'.
Holding the reality of Truth catapults us down through it all ....... the sticky, murky dark places - and into the hands of love.
Loves force cannot do its magic when it is rooted in an illusion.
As with all small and imperceivable shifts, a small dash of curiosity and inquiry can create a tiny tilt that can create the greatest possibility for change and monumental healing. For us, our mothers and the world
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XOXO
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